Face it- even plenty of adults interrupt (notice next time you are with a few friends) -so did no one take the time to teach them as children?
Well, maybe that's another article. :-)
Let's talk children- It is known to be a general rule that the second you get on the phone someone is either talking "at " you or tugging on you.
Children are impulsive-it comes with the territory. It's a big reason that it's tough for emptynesters to be around small children again. The things you do NOT notice like a shoe tossed across the room or two children yelling in the middle of your conversation halts the emptynester in their tracks.
On the other hand, they will not always be small or need you like they do now. While they just simply need a lot of your time, there are still a few disciplines and self-restraints you will gradually teach them that will help them grow into capable adults: Chewing with their mouths closed, Looking at the person speaking to them, Brushing their teeth each day and Not interrupting right away when they really want your attention.
*Exception to make is that there are times to interrupt- Something is on fire or a sibling around the corner has pulled something heavy on top of themself, etc. (This said so that Rule One is not Never interrupt.)
I can't help but notice when I am at my daughter's and she is trying to finish a story, one of her kids will always rush her talking and grasping at her attention. It is pretty amazing to see her hold up one finger with eye contact as they halt and she regroups and continues her story.
Some parents have a child pat their leg till spoken to, gently patting the child’s shoulder so the child knows the parent knows that they are waiting their turn. And the parent may hold up several fingers lowering them one by one as she gets close to finishing and ready to turn her attention to the child.
Obviously this takes some time to teach a child and younger preschoolers may not remember what they wanted to tell you after a few seconds. While they are quite young, you will not be able to effectively hold them off long. But as they learn, this brief time can grow longer.
Ideas:
- One proactive approach is having an activity shoebox to distract them for a few when you know ahead you must hop on the phone or speak with your mate and you need a little focus and quiet.
- My daughter laughed and told me that the boys were talking over each other so much at dinner recently that they had them do classroom-style and hold up their hands-she said all three had their hand up continually for much of it. :-)
- There is the remote control practice as well where you pass off the TV remote to the next wanting to tell something and only the person holding the remote can talk.
Still--this takes some practice. Enjoy a little role playing at the dinner table- it's a great place to work on self-control skills.
Remember this is very gradual training. They will always have a slip-up here and there for they are children!
If you overhear them interrupting each other, particularly an older to a younger child, have a talk with the older child. When you reason with them on how important it is to respect and not correct another, you may get better cooperation.
Lastly, be an example to the children in your conversations with them and other adults in the house. There will be times when you cannot hear the child’s entire story and must direct your attention elsewhere. Promise the child that you will get right back to them for the rest of the story and that you really want to hear it and then follow up and keep your word.
If you yearn for nice long conversations with another adult to just feel like a grown up, I understand.
But you may have to just schedule those once the children turn in. My sweet mother-in-law told me once that the friends I saw her with going out and having a good time with were friends she made once her kids were older. She rekindled some old friends and started back doing fun independent things again.
She was right. There was time for that later.
It's so time consuming to raise fine young adults and it is worth every moment!!
